Grabbing the Air?

So, the more I've been thinking about it, the more I feel like this desire has put into some kind of state of desperation. Am I grabbing for things that aren't there? Am I reaching out for things that will give me recognition? I've recently been trying to get on with this very small scale and local e-zine. They wanted me for commentary, which I've done before and enjoyed, but I happened to have a story I'd just written (and was/am proud of) on the same topic. I submitted it and have yet to get a response. Was I jumping the gun? Probably...maybe I should just wait for a response and get my butt to commenting and wait it out until they need more from me.

At the same time, I had an old college acquaintance ask if anyone wanted to help him design a book. I jumped at the opportunity and soon realized that it had nothing to do with writing--it had more to do with layout. But I still offered my rudimentary skills. But...WHY? Why would I try to impose myself into that situation? I don't have an answer.

I'll say this. The best recognition I've ever gotten was when one of my students (I'm a teacher, by the way) gave me a note of recognition that the school has for students to give to teachers that have an impact on them. What it says wasn't that important, but what the student said to me when he gave it to me was great. He said, "You have just done a great job of making me feel comfortable and welcome in this school. You've helped me a lot and I just want you to know that I appreciate it." No one else saw this except for me, but it meant the world. So, do I need worldwide recognition? No, probably not. I guess I just want a pat on the back. I don't even think it's a selfish thing. I think I just want to know I'm doing a good job.

On a side note, my student was recently run out of the school by some angry redneck types because he was browner than they were. Guess all my work is easily reversed by roving gangs of angry morons.

Seymour